what am i doing.

what am i doing.

what have i done. 
what has become of me. 

why am i so sensitive. why am i so stupid. why am i. if i were to shut up, this would have never had happened. i blame myself entirely. nobody else but me. know that im truly sorry. even if you dont see this. 

i wasn't jealous, i was envious. if you think i hate her, think what you want but i sincerely dont. even if you think i dont deserve your friendship. im thinking it too right now.  

but it doesnt matter. what's done is done. one does not simply turn back time. 

i hate lit art. okay sorry this had nothing to do with this post but yea. i hate it. 


{im sorry for everything. im sorry for making you feel like shit. sorry for being a bitch. sorry for being typical alysha. sorry for letting you down. sorry for being this way. im sorry for ruining our friendship. im sorry for simply making your life a living hell.} 

[i bet you wished you were in a nightmare. and that im just a stupid little m0nster that will disappear when you wake up.] 

|you have every right to feel that way| 

because im not good enough for her friendship, im not good enough for everyone's friendship. and mostly, im not good enough for yours. which pretty much says your friendship is one of a kind. you should be happy. honestly. seriously. 


but there's a 75% chance that you wont see this post. 
even if you do, 
there's a 100% chance that you wont forgive me. because i understand that youre simply too tired for my shit. 

im too upset. too angry with myself. might as well die and make your life and everyone else's easier. 

just know that if you need someone, a ride home, or someone to vent your anger on, if you need, ill be here. always will be. 

ok that sounded cheesy but idc because its true. 
we dont have to be best friends again, but, ok nevermind.







so this post is pretty sad. but its okay. my whole life's just sad. lol gosh. god if you hate me just say it. lol anyway, ill blog again hopefully soon. bye. 

btw i bought fbt's today with banana she got blue and i got purple yay

ok bye gaiz. 

gay.

"who cares if were trashed got a pocket full of cash we can blowwwww"

the title isnt meant to be offensive, gosh.


*nathaniel approaches with knife and stabs jody.* 
"EH...AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH" 


that srs made me die. i have no idea why. shit that rhymed. 


things sound better when they rhyme. 
ok maybe not really. 


"hey there mom, how are you today? ive got something i have to say. ive run away, so fuck you, bitch. id like to kick you down a ditch. you are the worst mom i could ever have asked for, abusing me like im some toy. well, the police are coming in est. 2 minutes, they're gonna question you for my rape, they know you did it. hope this letter made your day. and now the police are gonna lock you away. :) 
xoxo, your son, tyler." 


disclamer: i made that up completely. i don't know ANY Tyler's actually.  thats weird. shall go make more friends. and, i love my mommy with all my heart. <3 i'm just trying to explain the rhyming doesn't necessarily make everything sound better. now that i've proven the point i can get back to the blog. 


doesnt it just kill you. like you dont know what youre living for. like everything has taken a turn for its worst. when that thing happens, everything is just shit. yes, that thing is dropping your phone on your face when your lying down on the bed/couch/chair/armchair/legchair/longkang etc. im sureeee all of you have been through this particular tragedy. im sure your nose hurts when it happens and your eyes suddenly close really tight as it slips from your fingers and attacks your face. 
story ends here.


wasnt really much of a story, but you get my drift. right? 
wow i realised for this particular post, ive talked alot. right? normally its jst pictures ive found from tumblr. or when im seriously lazy, google. i just type " tumblr photography" and im good to go. no kidding. 
        
        

and you get various hipster photos. <3 <3 

ok bye. xoxo gossip girl. 

                                           

i dont wanna die alone

long time no blog, eh. 


but im blogging now, so...yea. 
just get to the pictures, gosh.

baby all i want for christmas, is you.

you, baby.

                                    

~what would you do if i told you that i la la la la love you.

hey dere bitches.

okay sorry. that was mean. whatever lah. im a bitchhhh. lol so step. 

too lazy to find more pics.
bye.

no bitches no fuck the both of you.

urgh. two particular people are pissing me off.

urghhh. so irritating. im just going to explode. 


first, you. despo fuck. kindly die because i seriously dont give two shits about you. your creepy and you freak me out. i want to throw up when i see your face. 
you really need to learn the meaning of love.

what a stupid bitch you are. to think that i'd actually like you? fuck you, we just met, stop saying you "love" me you pathetic creepy fool. no offence, but you are such a dick, you creep me out and your english is shit. my diarrhea idolizes you. 


and you. 


lil bitch. thought you were nice. thought you were actually plain awesome. thats why i liked you. but now, hah. i wonder what i ever saw in you. my phone bill was so expensive, and now i know its all wasted. i saw awesomeness, niceness, you were sweet. or at least sweet to me. but now all i see in you is shit, just shit. and it grosses me out i just want to throw up. you have no balls so i dont consider you as a boy. fuck you and i hope you die. :) 


goodbye babes. :) 

wonders.

i wonder, sometimes. what you're doing. what you're thinking about. if you had a bad day. if you had a good day. how was your school. how was your day. like how i used to know everyday. but now i have this uncertainty. and it kills. 


sometimes, you tweet that you've had a bad day. and how i promised you that i would try make your day better. but now, you say to everyone that you've had a bad day but i cant say anything or do anything to cheer you up because we just dont talk. 


it hurts. but whatever. we have to move on, dont we. 


wouldn't it have been better for you if i just shut up and never talked to you in the first place? like i just didn't say anything and we remained just people who know each other, and nothing else. we don't like each other at all. wouldn't you like that? you probably would. 


im certain. 
completely certain.
because thats how much i know you dont care.


because that's how much i used to know you. 

i am mentally dating jeremy sumpter.

i love him. i love him so much. he's so hot. :) 


oh jeremy, be mine? lol no. you dont even know i exist. :( i dont even know how old you are. your movie was and is my favourite movie. hehe. go peter pan go. 

jeremmyyyyy. 

hehehehe. okayyy. <3 

look at dose eyess...

lol. he aint peter pan..he grew up. lol he still hot tho.

assjhjrfjnfronjor. my ovaries just exploded.



so yea. he's definitely my new whatsapp wallpaper. 

ya dig.

yesterday should repeat itself.

yesterday watched The Amazing SpiderMan with Samantha, Jody, Nat and Jamie. :)

it was really funnnnn. 


ok enough about the real life. time to get into my head.


:) 

dont smoke. you'll die of hunger. 

what did i just say.

i know the feel bro.

:)

this boy is such a qtpie.

this boy is a qtpie too.


such a hassle. living life. 

                    

crying the shits off.

look at me. just look at me.

love stinks.

fnally making a post about love yea.

have you ever been in a situation where: boy likes girl. girl likes boy. girl is bitch. girl fights with boy. boy and girl dont talk for weeks. girl miss boy. boy dont miss girl. girl still like boy. but girl dont know if boy still likes girl. 


get it? no? 


i dont know why. i guess i just SUCK at love. 
 im that girl in the story. it sucks for me. 
i have another situation. 


boy likes girl. girl dont like boy. girl likes another boy that doesnt like girl. boy flirts with girl. girl flirts with boy. girl feels disgusted with herself and doesnt want to talk to boy. girl only wants to talk to the boy she likes. but they're not talking right now. 


URGH FUCK MY LIFE LAH SHIT. 


why does everything turn bad when it just got good. 






i guess im just gonna be single forever. 

open up your mind.

i swear this whole week ive been feeling uneasy and i dont even know why.


so ive been accused of not blogging. but honestly, i just dont want to talk about the shit that has been going on. ive been busy with stuff. 


so here's today's blog. lol. no one even reads this shit anyway. 


um, lets see whats been going on. 

i got a new pair or vans...they purple. 


yea. that was like the highlight, of my whole week. this week passed by, really slooooooooooooooow. im seriously serious. the time, and the days, felt like years to me. 


sammy and charlotte are performing on monday! so excited to see all the hardwork they put in. yayayayayayaya. #SupportiveFriend 
they both better love me.


notice how in today's blog its not filled in things i find from tumblr/google. its actually me conversing with you. how amazing. speaking of amazing, im gonna re watch The Amazing Spiderman on tuesday with sam, charlotte and sarah! so esited. im like really really tired now. hahaha. but i just woke up from a 12 hour sleep. thats like half a day. wow. hahahahaha. 


how i normally spend my days.
1/4 school
1/4 sleep
1/4 homework
1/4 twitter & my dear baby. 


just kidding, im forever alone and i dont have a boyfriend. my "baby" is my phone. yep. 1 year relationship already. so proud of myself. lol.


"tell me a joke."
"your face."
"fuck you, tell me a real joke."
"what the fuck do i look like, your entertainer?" 


them bitches aint SHIT but hoes and tricks. this font is purple. like my new vans. 


COINCIDENCE? I THINK NOT.
today we shall learn the word coincidence. yes, i am your english teacher now. 


coincidence, came from the word coin. which is what we shove up our asses. ok thank you class dismissed.


that fictional, dont ever shove a coin up your ass. okay, only o it if there's a million dollar reward for doing it.  


okay. now that i have expressed what's going on in my brain, i shall end this post. 






just dont tell me that the sky's the limit when there are footsteps on the moon. 

she aint nothing but a gold digger.

she picks her nose? 
er..
anyway, if its anything i learnt from samantha being one of my bestfriends, is that when she's angry, it aint a pretty sight but when she's not, its a really pretty sight. hehehe. ok bye i have to go now.

life's entitled.

if i could just die, in your arms. i wouldn't mind. 


can you take the cookies away from me.


ill eat em all. 

i wan one.

im so super duper rally fruperly awesome  weird.

hey dere fothermucker.

hello samantha. im glad we fought today too. so that i understand how important you are to me too. just know that, I WILL ALWAYS, 

THINK THAT YOU A STUPID HOE YOU A YOU A STUPID HOE. JOKING. I WIL ALWAYS <3 YOU. yea, so be firetrucking honored. :) 

anywhore, just wanted to say that you de specialness of me lipe. lol whut. ok ok youre my 1st bestfriend and im your second :)you will be my bitch poreeber. FOREVER IS FOREVER OK. TILL INFINITY AND BEYOND. ∞

OH PUX. whenever i hear that saying.... :') oh buzzlightyear. i love you. anyway, see you tomorrow samsters. buh bye baybeyh. <3

xoxo, gossip girl. just kidding.

xoxo, Alysha.

p.s. sorry there isnt any photos of us. just imagine k. okok buh byeee. :) 

runtuntuntun.

i like blogging. it keeps me sane. 

her eyes...<3

i want these shoessssss. lol.

but the thing is, im never sane.