what am i doing.

what am i doing.

what have i done. 
what has become of me. 

why am i so sensitive. why am i so stupid. why am i. if i were to shut up, this would have never had happened. i blame myself entirely. nobody else but me. know that im truly sorry. even if you dont see this. 

i wasn't jealous, i was envious. if you think i hate her, think what you want but i sincerely dont. even if you think i dont deserve your friendship. im thinking it too right now.  

but it doesnt matter. what's done is done. one does not simply turn back time. 

i hate lit art. okay sorry this had nothing to do with this post but yea. i hate it. 


{im sorry for everything. im sorry for making you feel like shit. sorry for being a bitch. sorry for being typical alysha. sorry for letting you down. sorry for being this way. im sorry for ruining our friendship. im sorry for simply making your life a living hell.} 

[i bet you wished you were in a nightmare. and that im just a stupid little m0nster that will disappear when you wake up.] 

|you have every right to feel that way| 

because im not good enough for her friendship, im not good enough for everyone's friendship. and mostly, im not good enough for yours. which pretty much says your friendship is one of a kind. you should be happy. honestly. seriously. 


but there's a 75% chance that you wont see this post. 
even if you do, 
there's a 100% chance that you wont forgive me. because i understand that youre simply too tired for my shit. 

im too upset. too angry with myself. might as well die and make your life and everyone else's easier. 

just know that if you need someone, a ride home, or someone to vent your anger on, if you need, ill be here. always will be. 

ok that sounded cheesy but idc because its true. 
we dont have to be best friends again, but, ok nevermind.







so this post is pretty sad. but its okay. my whole life's just sad. lol gosh. god if you hate me just say it. lol anyway, ill blog again hopefully soon. bye. 

btw i bought fbt's today with banana she got blue and i got purple yay

ok bye gaiz. 

gay.

"who cares if were trashed got a pocket full of cash we can blowwwww"

the title isnt meant to be offensive, gosh.


*nathaniel approaches with knife and stabs jody.* 
"EH...AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH" 


that srs made me die. i have no idea why. shit that rhymed. 


things sound better when they rhyme. 
ok maybe not really. 


"hey there mom, how are you today? ive got something i have to say. ive run away, so fuck you, bitch. id like to kick you down a ditch. you are the worst mom i could ever have asked for, abusing me like im some toy. well, the police are coming in est. 2 minutes, they're gonna question you for my rape, they know you did it. hope this letter made your day. and now the police are gonna lock you away. :) 
xoxo, your son, tyler." 


disclamer: i made that up completely. i don't know ANY Tyler's actually.  thats weird. shall go make more friends. and, i love my mommy with all my heart. <3 i'm just trying to explain the rhyming doesn't necessarily make everything sound better. now that i've proven the point i can get back to the blog. 


doesnt it just kill you. like you dont know what youre living for. like everything has taken a turn for its worst. when that thing happens, everything is just shit. yes, that thing is dropping your phone on your face when your lying down on the bed/couch/chair/armchair/legchair/longkang etc. im sureeee all of you have been through this particular tragedy. im sure your nose hurts when it happens and your eyes suddenly close really tight as it slips from your fingers and attacks your face. 
story ends here.


wasnt really much of a story, but you get my drift. right? 
wow i realised for this particular post, ive talked alot. right? normally its jst pictures ive found from tumblr. or when im seriously lazy, google. i just type " tumblr photography" and im good to go. no kidding. 
        
        

and you get various hipster photos. <3 <3 

ok bye. xoxo gossip girl.